I am quickly realizing I can’t

Ever wake up feeling defeated? Empty. This is me as soon as I wake up. Before I open my eyes, before my feet hit the floor, my mind races, flooded with issues, gaps, fears, shortcomings, failures, problems, all that is wrong in the world, in my life.

I go through the list in mind. My marriage. All good here? How about my children? Are each of them flourishing? And work. Is it going great? Any issues? My extended family. Everyone okay? How are my friends, my church, you name the area, it comes to mind.

My mind is racing, and I am examining each area. I want each to receive the “all good” checkmark.

And, this is never the case.

So, as I always do, I grab my morning cup of coffee and sit down to read God’s Word. My reading plan brings me to 1 Corinthians 13. The topic this morning is “love.”

Perfect. This is what I need. I grab my journal, ready to create my list of how I can love perfectly. I shall be fulfilled by how well I love today! Let’s go!!

First, I read 13:1 through 13:3.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Ok. Got it. Faith, giving, service, without love, is nothing, empty. I must love well.

Next, verse 4.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Well. Need to work on patience for sure. I give myself a B on others. Okay. Patience goes on my list. I’ll be patient to others today. On to verse 5.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

I don’t think I am rude? I do have some issues with giving grace maybe. Put it on the list. No records of being wrong today. I’ll work on patience and grace. This is going great! I can do this.

Now, verse 6.

 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Nailed these. I hate injustice, don’t we all. And I love truth.

Then, verse 7.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

“ALWAYS.”

I put my pen down. The list stops. No check marks. Only gaps flood my mind. This is where I realize, this is impossible. I can’t. Always ain’t happening. It never happens, always. No list can achieve always.

The best developed plan for love is doomed for failure. No list exists that can be accomplished daily to obtain perfect love. A list is like Groundhog Day, the movie. I wake up, make my list, fail, and think “I’ll do better tomorrow.” Tomorrow comes, same result.

There is only one answer.

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13

There was One that laid His life down for us. To purely love others, I must receive the love from Him. I am then like a prism, reflecting Him. The only way I can love is if He does it through me. My man-made list needs to turn to focus on Him. Only then, will I truly love.

I can’t, He can. I must decrease, and He must increase. Stop trying, start trusting.

Pressure off. Put down the list and look to Him.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

Impact others. Live generously.

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